The deep south’s oldest rivalry, Lewis Grizzard between Georgia and Auburn

A satirical, sometimes true, historical look at Georgia vs. Auburn …

Auburn played Georgia first February 20, 1892 in Piedmont Park, Atlanta. Auburn claimed a 10-0 win, but the score remains under protest to this day.

Georgia provided evidence that the entire 1892 Auburn team consisted of players who were kicked out of other schools for stealing laptops or belongings from their dorm neighbors.

When they reached the Plains, these players continued to steal items from their own teammates in the college’s athletic barn.

The above statement may not be entirely correct. Please take it past the fact-checking source of your choice and tell us about your conclusions.

Lewis Grizzard grew up in Moreland, Georgia, 66.2 miles from Auburn, Alabama and 114 miles from Athens. Georgia, not Greece. But Lewis never wavered from his collegial loyalty. He was a UGA boy who grew up to be a UGA man.

When he was in high school in the early 1960s, Lewis attended a brotherhood party in Auburn. Nobody can remember whether he was invited or just crashed.

Lewis began a promising romance with a sisterhood that was significantly 2 or 3 years older than Lewis. Perhaps his favorite pickup line, “Do you think pro wrestling is real?” Is what melted her heart.

However, Lewis quickly became oversupplied or oversaturated with vodkas and co-colas to the point of illness. A fellow from the Auburn Brotherhood led Lewis to a toilet and put cold towels over his neck while he prayed “to them.” Porcelain gods. ”

The guy told poor Lewis to forget about the student as Lewis was green at the time and smelled way too bad for mouthwash or colognes to remedy. Lewis later column thanked this nameless guy for maybe saving his life.

Lewis often said that Georgia, who plays Auburn in football, “is like watching two brothers in a fight”.

Some fans of both schools actually see it that way. Other fans of both schools really loathe the other school. Unfortunately, some people also loathe their own brothers. It’s all complicated.

After the UGA national championship in 1980, Auburn recruited Vince Dooley as a coach at Auburn, his alma mater. Vince was about to accept, but ultimately refused. He kindly recommended his friend Pat Dye for the job. Auburn actually hired Dye, a UGA alum.

A relieved Lewis Grizzard said of Vince’s decision, “Some people won’t even go to Auburn for a million dollars.”

The Wall Street Journal once called the Auburn-Georgia rivalry “the dirtiest in college football.”

On a cold night on November 16, 1986, Georgia Auburn was playing in one of the cleanest college football games ever made. This became known as “The Game Between the Hoses”. The unranked 7-2 Bulldogs upset the 8-1 8th ranked Tigers 20-16.

Auburn turned water hoses on UGA fans who stormed the field. They later twisted these hoses on UGA fans in the stands.

Lewis was there and got soaked.

Pat Dye said UGA fans needed a bath. Auburn fans said, “Nothing smells worse than a wet dawg.”

Auburn Assistant Director of Sports, Kermit Perry, is a 1956 UGA graduate and now resides in Newnan, Georgia, north of Moreland. He ordered the water hoses of the UGA fans to be turned. Still, he was Lewis Grizzard’s friend.

Lewis once wrote that Auburn’s legendary sports director David Housel was his best friend at the school. Lewis is said to have met and liked Shug Jordan. Lewis was definitely a friend of Pat Dye’s.

In early 1987, an Auburn alumni group invited Lewis to give a talk. He opened with: “Today it is much drier than the last time I was here.”

But for Lewis there were no sacred cows.

A selection of his Auburn Jabs:

“Where do pigs buy underwear? Frederick’s of Auburn. “

“What do they scream when Auburn cheerleaders take the field? How about these dogs ?! “

“Auburn is none other than Clemson without the lake.”

An Auburn Georgia game was featured on national television. At halftime, Uga was shown the whole of the United States doing what dogs do, which is licking his private parts. Auburn fan Earl said to another, “I wish I could do this.” “His buddy Bubba replied,” Earl, that dog would bite you! “

(Grizzard fans, Lewis has told this joke in many different ways over the years. Bubba and Earl were Dawg fans at times.)

Lewis could call Auburn what many do: “The Second Chance School”.

Or third or fourth chances. Auburn basketball coach Bruce Pearl is a perfect current example. But this is about football.

In 2010, Auburn took Cam Newton out after he was kicked out of Florida for stealing a laptop. Dawgs fans know getting kicked out of Florida isn’t easy, but Cam did it.

Newton spent a year in hiding, playing football at Blinn College in Texas. He is said to have attended a “Do Not Steal” course, but never went to class.

In 2012, Auburn took Nick Marshall with him. In 2011 Marshall and 2 teammates were fired from the Georgia team for stealing teammates. Dawgs fans know that getting kicked off a Georgia team is very easy.

Marshall spent a year in hiding playing football Garden City Community College in Kansas. He is said to have attended a “Do Not Steal” course, but never went to class.

Statements about courses Newton and Marshall attended may not be entirely accurate. Please take it past the fact-checking source of your choice and tell us about your conclusions.

Back to Marshal. He grew up in Georgia and was stopped for a tinted glass violation on his way home from Auburn in Reynolds, Georgia in 2014.

It was removed from the internet to some extent, but a vehicle search revealed that Marshall had less than an ounce pot in his car. He was charged with tinted glass and misdemeanor possession and was allowed to drive on.

At the time, Marshall was a candidate for the Heisman Trophy, which may have helped him prosecute even in a rival state.

In Athens, players were arrested by Georgian teams for spitting on the sidewalk. Slight exaggeration. Certainly driving with a revoked driver’s license or a similar offense that would likely be swept under the carpet at many universities.

When a UGA player signed and sold a shirt, the local newspapers made it the front page headline.

Think 2010 and AJ Green from UGA. Four-game suspension on his $ 1,000 2009 Independence Bowl jersey. The appointments were confirmed by the NCAA Committee on Student-Athlete Reinstatement.

During Green’s suspension, there were widespread reports of other college football players selling lots of items, with listings on auction websites to prove it. No NCAA penalties for these athletes or headlines about them.

Before leaving us in 1994, Lewis insisted:

“Georgia is not doing any special favors to our players while they are at school. No cash, cars, or anything but free food and free education once they have received a scholarship. But when their eligibility is used up, everyone gets a free 7-11. ”

around 2010 my two teenage sons and I dated my Auburn ex-wife and our friends from Florida Redneck Riviera Auburn on an Auburn weekend against South Carolina. The hosts invited our family of four to stay with them in their smaller one-head a / c / a-toilet motorhome. They were two adults and one other teenage boy.

We found that much too comfortable and declined as politely as possible. That meant a miserable drive after the game to the nearest short term motel room 35 miles east in Columbus, Georgia. We hoped and prayed for a clean motel toilet and hot shower with decent water pressure. We got both.

Before the game, our hosts made sure a responsible adult sitter stayed with the three boys as we only had four tickets. After the Auburn victory, the sitter had bad news. One or both of my sons had vomited hot dogs, hamburgers, popcorn, cotton candy, and a mixed bag of spices all over the main bed of the RV.

My boys didn’t confess when they went back outside to play and maybe refill their empty stomachs. When the sitter noticed, everything was soaked through the bedclothes deep into the mattress. So help me, the mix looked orange and blue. It was the first and only time that I found these colors anything but ugly. In fact, that evening they looked most attractive.

It was one of the proudest nights of my life, but I couldn’t share that with anyone until days later. When I returned to our home in Redneck Riviera Florida, I gave my two boys a UGA scholarship while my not-yet-ex-wife wasn’t looking. To her credit, none of my sons like Auburn, despite their fond memories of RV skidding.

“The oldest rivalry in the south” is North Carolina versus Virginia. SEC fans might say, “Sure. Anyway. “This game cheers a total of about three football fans.

Saturday will be the continuation of “The deep south’s oldest rivalry.” Georgia has won 13 of the last 16 games, including the last 4. In 2020, UGA defeated Auburn 27-6 in their first October game since 1936.

Kirby Smart does not and does not seem to use any dressing room material. Recently he said, “We don’t practice to hit someone. We practice to beat everyone. ”

Perhaps UGA players will see this and learn about the maroon humiliations that have been inflicted on our dawgs over the decades. We beat Clemson and we could have broken Clemson’s spirit in Game 1 of 2021. And Auburn is none other than Clemson without the lake.

This author predicted a 28-9 Dawgs win over the Hawgs from noon last Saturday, confident that Arkansas would not make it to the end zone. Have you ever hit the red zone?

This author predicts a still one-sided victory over Auburn at The Plains starting at 3:30 p.m. Eastern this Saturday.

After losing to Georgia, Auburn must go to Arkansas on October 16 and lose to the Hawgs. Let’s just say Auburn is caught stopping by Georgia the following Saturday.

We can say what we want. The big, strong, fast, intelligent, and cohesive dawgs will be eating tiger meat on Saturday afternoon. Or was eagle meat. Or plainsmen meat.

Lewis Grizzard could say:

“It would help a lot if Auburn or AllBarn found out what they call themselves or what they are. Bless their hearts. “